Field Notes #5: Are You The 'Nice' Boss?

The Situation

We were working with a leader who really cared about their team. He wanted people to feel supported. He tried to be thoughtful about how he gave feedback, and he didn't want anyone to feel embarrassed or pushed aside.

But he was so focused on being the nice boss, he wasn't paying enough attention to how that was affecting the rest of the organization.

While he was busy building “positive relationships” within his own team, other teams were feeling the impact. Their processes were getting disrupted. Things weren't clear about who was responsible for what. Other leaders were having to deal with problems they shouldn't have had to deal with.

And everyone was getting frustrated. Including the nice boss.

When Kindness Becomes Avoidance

I think this is one of the harder parts of leadership: being compassionate and being accountable need to happen at the same time. They are typically the same thing.

We may believe that holding someone accountable is unkind and that avoiding a difficult conversation is protecting the relationship. But it often does the opposite.

People deserve to know when they're not meeting expectations. Teams deserve to know that the same expectations apply to everyone. And leaders need to be willing to say what needs to be said, even when it's uncomfortable.

Deep compassion means being honest about what's happening and being willing to deal with it.

Your Turn...

•  Is there a conversation you're avoiding because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, damage a relationship, or create conflict?

•  Is avoiding that conversation actually helping the person, the team, or the organization?

• Are you aware of who your compassion includes, and who is leaves out, and how this impacts your leadership?